Wednesday, January 19, 2011

you are you

"Anticipating your, once in a while, compressed, unsettling messages is getting old. I can't stand thinking about you all the time. It's like my brain is collapsing all at one time when you are present in my mind. Why can't we just be happy?"

I shove my pen in the drawer and stare at what I have written down. The words would just look like scribbles to you. I crumble up the perfectly crisp piece of paper and toss it across the room. What is currently going on in my life, means insignificantly nothing to you and what is currently going on in your life means everything. You would never waste a minute of your precious time reading it.

I wished you weren't so selfish.

I wished I could go back to one moment in our lives together and pause and stay in that moment. When my hair fell through my eyes and I peered out with hesitation. You took your gently touch and moved my hair out of my eyes.

"I can't do this anymore. I cannot keep expecting you to deliver a feeling for me that you can't anymore."

You looked up. Said nothing. And let me walk away from everything we had built.
I wanted so badly to turn around and just jump into your arms. My safety net wasn't there to catch me anymore though. That had been gone for quite a while and frankly, I had been chasing the feeling I used to receive from you for a practical amount of time now. You walked away from me, absent minded, a long time ago.

I am sorry for constantly trying to make you something you will never be. I am sorry for trying to make you different, because you are you. And I cannot change that I wasn't the one.

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